I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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