new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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