I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
