So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
