i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
