Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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