They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
God, I missed his penis.
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