Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
