There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
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I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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