the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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