I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
