I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
