you didnt know i had herpes?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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