yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
