before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
