Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
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I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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