She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
