Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
