Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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