just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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