I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
