After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
