Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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