Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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