Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
tell me about the eggs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
