my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
