halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
