the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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