fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
