goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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