I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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