Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
