I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
