Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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