I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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