would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
