M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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