my vag is so smooth its legendary
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
