Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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