She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
