It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
