i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
