The maid of honor just puked.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
