who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize