Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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