My first STD was from a foam party
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
