shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
