Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
