Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
