Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
