Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
