i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
