all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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