just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
