Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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