if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
