its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
