i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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