I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
