I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Everything about him screamed your future.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
