I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
