The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
