He asked to "fluff my boner.."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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