it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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