All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
