were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
