im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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