I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
