dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
